15 Sep DREAMS COME TRUE
In April of 2014, I turned 30 years old, and the idea of starting a family – which was something that I had put on the back burner for the first four years of our marriage – suddenly became something I could not stop obsessing over. Not only were my husband Harry and I the only couple in our group of friends without a child, but many of my girlfriends were already pregnant with number two! I knew I was ready to become a mother, but any time I tried to broach the topic with Harry, it was clear that children were still a long way off on his ideal timeline.
My instinct would have been to manipulate and control, or to not-so-subtly drop hints that he needed to hop on board the baby train that was constantly circling around in my mind! But the Lord had been doing a lot of work on my heart in the months leading up to this, and He had shown me on multiple occasions that things go far better when I just trust Him with the outcome instead of attempting to take matters into my own hands. So I began to pray. I didn’t want to pressure my husband into something that he wasn’t quite ready for, so I prayed that God would give me patience and keep me from becoming a nagging wife as He worked on Harry’s heart in His time and His way.
In the waiting, God began to open my eyes to the wonders of His Word through the study of the Hebraic roots of our faith. I was blown away by how much He was teaching me and showing me, and it caused me to fall deeper in love with Him! I learned just how intricate and detailed the scriptures are – even down to the tiniest stroke of a letter! His sovereignty became so real and recognizable as I saw it spread across the pages of my Bible, and I began to trust and believe how intimately involved He is, not only on a global scale, but in the minor details of our lives.
Flash forward to late November 2014. My husband and I were getting ready for church when he began telling me about a dream he had that night. In his dream we were driving around in Jerusalem with a little girl in the backseat named Abigail. Immediately, I knew this was significant, and I quickly typed the name “Abigail” in my phone to discover what I already suspected – it was a Hebrew name. And yes, I’m one of “those people” who wanted to have biblical names for my children – not because I believe it in any way makes them “holier” than children with non-biblical names, but because I love how the meaning of these names are part of the story that God is writing. So not only is “Abigail” a Hebrew name, Abigail was the wife of King David, and her name means “the father’s joy.”
If only I could have captured the look on Harry’s face after I told him the meaning of the name. It was almost like you could see the mental shift in that moment. If you were to ask him, he would tell you that was the moment he was ready to start a family. After talking about it, we decided that 2015 was going to be the year we started trying to get pregnant. Because I believe God has a sense of humor, and that He often chuckles at our human attempts of “control,” we found out we were expecting before we even rang in the new year. I don’t think either of us doubted for a second that we were expecting a girl. Abigail.
I wish I could say that this dream just gave me a tremendous dose of faith, but I struggled with so much anxiety throughout the pregnancy. I had so much fear – some justified, due to a genetic blood mutation that has been shown to cause difficulties in pregnancy, birth defects, and miscarriage – but so many were completely irrational. I could hear the enemy whisper lies like, “You don’t deserve this…’So and so’ isn’t even able to have a child and they are a far better ‘Christian’ than you…Since you are so worried about this, God is going to take your baby because you are making it an idol.” Horrible deceptions that caused doubt to creep in and my faith to waver. I constantly had to battle these thoughts with truth from God’s Word. I clung to Philippians 4:6-7 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God, and the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Never before had I experienced so much spiritual warfare in my life, constantly having to battle the darts of the devil by taking thoughts captive and making them obedient to Christ. And God was so faithful. After every perfect doctor’s appointment, I could just hear Him whisper, “See? Trust me.” My views of God really deepened during those nine months. I began to see Him as my Loving Father who was not just looking for any excuse to punish me for past or current mistakes or lapses in faith. When I was faithless, He continued to show Himself faithful.
As I was wheeled into the operating room for a C-section after 23 hours of a failed induction, I was overcome with such a heavy blanket of peace. I could barely hear anything that anyone was saying to me, but the words “Trust me” were on repeat in my mind. When I heard her first cry and Harry brought her over, I was in awe – there she was. Abigail. A dream come true!